Creating the right relationship

Why are so many of us addicted to change? “Out with the old and in with the new,” sort of speak. Some of us would not trade that new car smell in for a long healthy relationship. In fact, people who are keen to dating new people in short intervals may not even be aware of their constant behavior. The blame could be directed toward something minute or perhaps the other person’s inaccuracies. Either way, this constant routine is an involuntary action and the only way to escape is through one’s own psyche.

A person who meets someone for the first time is excited about learning new things and going out to different places. The thrill of starting something new and the “wanting” to talk for hours becomes an addiction. The moment that feeling dissipates or becomes redundant, the other person appears boring and useless. Excuses, such as, “you don’t do the same things you did in the beginning,” or perhaps, “I don’t feel like being involved in a relationship,” is put on the individual and he/she may feel compelled to change his/her behavior to remain attractive. But chances are, they’re not so boring and if you didn’t want a relationship, why let it get this far? We may blame others for our stagnant routine but the brutal truth of the matter is we’re the only ones who have changed. We have consumed every bit of information that has fostered for the last four or five months and the possibilities of the two individuals becoming a couple has exhausted.

The only solution to this matter, I suggest is creating the right relationship that can blossom throughout its existence. Why can’t the “new car smell” exist during the life of our relationships? What are we doing that is causing the lack of interest in our mate? We all know the old saying “it takes two,” which cannot be ignored in this matter. Instead of trying to purchase a new car, we should work with the one we have and develop it. The question then becomes, what can I do, to create the right relationship?

Relationships should get better with time. The two of you have learned so much about each other that the attraction has grown to a level that no one could interrupt. However, interruptions can occur by outside influences, such as single friends with great stories, someone more attractive, glamour, weight gain or loss, or anything that confuses “feeling” with reality. The misconception of “I don’t “feel” like being in a relationship,” or “I don’t “feel” the same way as I did in the beginning,” will misguide us from true happiness. We all may “feel” like not going to work or school in the morning or “feel” like not paying the rent, but the reality is; life moves on, whether we’re enjoying it or not and we must not let our feelings get in the way of what is real.

Creating the right relationship is very simple. Be yourself. One cannot emulate another person because it worked for the other. Being your self is the best tool for success; it allows the other person to see who you really are without being deceitful. Being attracted to one’s natural behavior is the key ingredient. Most of us waste too much time trying to be something we’re not. If you have to spend more money than usual to impress someone, you’re not being yourself. If you’re trying to be everything that person wants in a relationship, you’re setting yourself up for failure.

If you have to ask, “what can I do to keep the spark going?” or how can I get my relationship back to the way it was?” Your relationship was perhaps created by pretense with the hopes of an actual connection occurring. After three months or perhaps a year or two the real person may appear and the attraction fades. The relationship is lost and you may question, “How did our relationship ever get to this point?” This can be avoided, simply by being you.

The only sure way longevity can exists within a relationship is being attracted to one’s imperfections. If we all understood that everyone is not perfect and may not do everything perfect, we can come to understanding that, one’s flaws can become perfection. It is what makes people uniquely different from each other. We must learn to accept and sacrifice because people are not manufactured. We all grow and learn from each other’s experiences and with time relationships should grow on a mutual standpoint. Let us abandon the insecurities of our weight, hair, height or anything that we believe is making us less attractive, and focus our energy on building the relationship. It is perfectly understood that we must look good for our partner, but our insecurities should not dictate the integrity of who we really are.

Appearance may change with time and beauty may fade but one’s natural behaviors will always remain the same. I’m not suggesting you look for someone less attractive to create longevity. The advice I offer is that we should not have a higher tolerance for someone because of his or her beauty. The inner beauty should be as attractive as the outer and if you’re not attracted or intrigued by one’s natural behaviors, the relationship will eventually fade. Our grandparents lasted this long because of the connection they share. How could anyone not want to be with one person to bear witness to his or her entire life? There will always be someone more attractive with less/more weight (depending on one’s preference) but are we going to take the risk of losing what we actually created?